I Don’t Care How People Treat Me

A feminist is a woman who likes men to know that she doesn’t like men.

If you’re going to be a failure, you might as well be a success at it.

Whatever makes me tick needs winding.

I’ve bought a book on witchcraft so I can get to know my sister-in-law better.

If you can see light at the end of the tunnel,
Then you are looking in the wrong direction.

A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do.
A woman’s got to do what he can’t.

I wish that people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

I’m all for women’s independence, as long as they do it in the privacy of their own home.
(Overheard in the Kings Arms, Mitcham)

Work for the Lord.
The pay is not much, but the retirement plan is out of this world.

Baldness is really mind over matter.
It doesn’t matter if the person doesn’t mind.

Air pollution is no threat to my sister-in-law.
She doesn’t stop talking long enough to take a breath.

I don’t care how people treat me, as long as they do.

My sister-in-law bought a baby alarm and still got pregnant.

What do Rupert the Bear and Kermit the Frog have in common?
They both have the same middle name.

Eighty per cent of married men cheat in the UK, the rest cheat abroad.

Buy old masters.
They bring better prices than young mistresses.