I Have No Trouble Meeting Expenses

I can resist almost anything, except temptation.

There are three things I always forget –
Dates, names, and the third….
I can’t remember.

I was asked by a friend if he could tap me for a tenner –
I told him for a tenner he could punch me on the nose.

The sister-in-law is always complaining that I never listen to her – or something like that.

Larry King, 80, was questioned about his eighth marriage to a lady in her fifties.
Asked by a reporter about the 30-year age difference, Mr King said: “If she dies, she dies”.

I have no trouble meeting expenses.
Every time I turn around, there they are.

People keep talking about fixed incomes.
I wish someone would fix mine.

You should stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop putting yourself down and make stupidity work for you.

I’m going to make two promises.
One is that I’m going to stop annoying you,
And the other is to stop lying some day.

Dear sister-in-law, I treasure every moment that I do not see you.

A wise man will ask one question, where a fool would ask two.
Is that true? Who told you that?

I don’t have stress, but I think I may be a carrier.

You can always recognize an egotist by the gleam in his I.

If I haven’t insulted you, I beg your pardon.

You know that expression “I’m not as daft as I look”.
You could never say that.