Not Enough Alcohol

Overheard at the annual meeting of the Mitcham and Morden
Male Chauvinist Society.

“The only thing worse than a male chauvinist pig is a woman who won’t do as she’s told.”

“God made man first because he didn’t want a woman looking over his shoulder”.

“If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, you have made her chain too long”.

“We haven’t sent a woman to the moon yet because it doesn’t need cleaning”.

“She wasn’t the best-looking girl there but beauty was only a light-switch away”.

“She offered to help me in the garden, so I tied her to a post and let her graze”.

“After five minutes on a sun bed she smells like fried bacon”.

“Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat bastard cream there’s not”.

“I told her she won’t be able to come near me, my doctor told me to stay away from fatty things”.

“A woman behind a steering wheel is an air bag”.

“She’s much more attractive when she puts her ankles behind her ears”.

“You always know when she has an orgasm, she drops her bag of crisps”.

“There wasn’t enough alcohol in the bar to make her look attractive”.

“She was like a worn out bulb, not very bright”.