Virginity Is Like A Balloon

The first time you have sex with somebody is never as good as the second time.

“Looking back at my teen diaries, it’s obvious that at 14 I was sexually rabid, desperate for sex – but much too frightened because in those days there was no Pill”.
(Sheila Hancock, Actress)

It is considered polite for a man who has been making love in the missionary position to clamber off his partner before starting to snore.

I suggest that you take up masturbation as a full-time career.
You are, after all, already a complete wanker.

Virginity is like a balloon – one prick and it’s gone.

An unofficial and unreliable survey conducted by an inebriated team of unemployed condom makers from Mitcham showed that all 69 members of the Morden Institute for Christian Woman considered an enormous penis came third on a list of ‘Requirements for a good lover’ – behind ‘clean feet’ and ‘sensitive fingers’.